Complete Confidence

May 1, 2004
In this snappy self-help manual, the author of Succeeding with Difficult Clients takes a tough-love approach to teaching readers how to move beyond self-pity, shame, anger and anxiety and can embrace self-confidence. A media-savvy New York psychologist, Hankin argues that, contrary to popular belief, self-confidence has nothing to do with self-esteem. Rather, it's"the ability to overcome ... immature emotional responses and calm them down quickly that separates confident people" from everyone else. Those who want to achieve emotional maturity, she says, must shed the "Losing Hand" of bingeing, pleasing, whining, procrastinating and avoiding, and stop drowning in the belief that they are"stupid, fat, old, ugly or a loser.""Do not trust your feelings," she writes. Her"brain retraining prescription," which she dubs the Winning Hand of Comfort, instructs readers to calm down, clarify their emotions, challenge their thinking, comfort themselves and embrace the belief that life is manageable. Hankin's combination of cognitive and behavioral therapies appears quite convincing, but occasionally her prose slips into to glibness, as when she suggests that even depression is a form of immaturity. And while it's refreshing to see a professional psychologist share details about her own battles with whining and self-pity, at times the manual edges too close to memoir. Nonetheless, Hankin's book is filled with sound advice and her no-nonsense tone should particularly appeal to fans of Dr. Phil.

June 1, 2004
Everyone wants to be successful in his or her dealings with other people, whether at home or at work. Here, two experts offer different takes on the subject. In Winning Every Time, Wiehl, a top trial lawyer, TV personality, and legal analyst for FOX News, teaches the reader how to use the methods lawyers use during conflict resolution to solve the problems encountered in everyday life. She demonstrates how one can be one's own advocate through the eight steps of trial preparation, which include clarifying one's position, determining the personalities in the audience, preparing for the battle ahead by doing one's homework, and staying in control when presenting one's case. Each chapter is clear and concise, with handy dos and don'ts sprinkled throughout. Wiehl devotes the second half of the book to illustrating how to use these techniques in specific situations, from parenting to consumer negotiating. Much can be gained from leafing through her book. New York psychotherapist Hankin (coauthor, Succeeding with Difficult Clients) takes a different tack and concentrates on one's inner makeup. To her, confidence starts with emotional maturity, a place people arrive at when they give up blame, self-criticism, and self-pity. She discusses the things people do to undermine themselves, such as bingeing, pleasing, whining, avoiding, and thinking negative thoughts. She illustrates each point with interesting case studies and gives readers "workouts" for their particular weaknesses. Unfortunately, the tone is simplistic, and Hankin discusses her own life a little too frequently. Still, she offers sound advice and should appeal to the reader who wants "therapy-lite." Both books have something to offer public libraries. Collections with a wealth of core self-esteem books should try Wiehl's work, while those heavy on assertiveness training and technique books could probably benefit from Hankin's.-Deborah Bigelow, Leonia P.L., NJ

Copyright 2004 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.